


Sacrilege

by Abworkma



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-03 12:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5290241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abworkma/pseuds/Abworkma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ali Krieger returns Stateside after having her heart broken eighteen months before.</p><p>Ashlyn Harris is struggling to overcome the issues that have caused her many regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can't Take Back The Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everyone!
> 
> This is my first Ali/Ash fic and it has been a while since I have written anything so bare with me. I'm currently an English major and finals are approaching so I don't know how often I can update but I wanted to get this all out there and see what everyone thought about it or if I should continue.
> 
> Be warned that this story is not for the faint of heart and is going to deal with adult issues of the clinical sense. I don't want to say to much and give anything away. I haven't seen another story on here touch this subject but as the story progresses, you will see what I mean. This won't be all happy and fluffy, at least not for a while. It will be pretty angsty and troubling but I promise to make it worth it.

 

Adjusting her large leopard sunglasses more squarely on her face to block out the unwanted sunlight and spare herself the impending headache after a long transatlantic flight in which she had drunk far too much wine and had been adversely unable to fall asleep, she gathered her carry-on luggage and readjusted the strap of her oversized purse as she stepped across the gap from the fuselage and onto the off-ramp toward the airport terminal. She was anything but looking forward to her return to the States so soon and today would be a testament to the kind of patience and resilience that she liked to think that she possessed. With a final heavy sigh and running her hand along her dark hair to smooth its messy loose locks towards the bun in the back, an external gathering of her composure and steeling herself for the weekend ahead, she exited the long hallway and made her way toward the terminal exit. 

Why on earth was she subjecting herself to this? She was in Germany, playing high quality football just this time yesterday and focusing on herself for once, getting herself back on track and to a good place. Now here she was, arriving in LAX for a wedding she should’ve politely declined to attend. Nothing good could come from it; and had her team, the number one ranked FC Frankfurt team of the German Bundesliga Football League, not been on a two-week break in the season, she wouldn’t have been there at all. 

Nothing good could come from this bad idea.

In no time at all upon her arrival and turning her cellular service back on, her phone buzzed to life, signaling that she had an incoming call. With a slight shadow of a smile at the picture of her caller, her dear brother, she stopped in the terminal near a small magazine stand to free her hand of the carry-on bag, its wheels coming to a halt so that she could answer him.

“Kyle, hey…” she trailed off with a sigh of exhaustion as she answered with a forced cheeriness in her voice. Being excited about anything at this point was a struggle. “I just landed…”

_“Great!”_

His voice was way too loud and shrill for her current mood and energy level, causing her eyebrows to furrow as she pulled the phone from her ear, slightly wincing at the pounding effects his excitement had on her well-formed headache.

 _“I’m circling the arrivals terminals now. Should I park?”_

She heard him ask with uncertainty. 

_“Or I can just meet you at curbside….”_

“Curbside is fine,” she mumbled tiredly as she adjusted her phone between her shoulder and chin, grabbing her bag to continue on. She wanted to leave the chaos that was LAX airport as soon as possible. “I didn’t check anything so I don’t need to go to baggage claim.”

_“Awesome! I’ll totally meet you there, boo!”_

Again with the pounding... 

She felt increasingly bad that her brother, whom she hadn’t seen or spent much time with at all over the past eighteen months, was completely thrilled about her visit and all she could do was dread the weekend ahead and groan in annoyance as they ended their call.

“Thanks,” she replied shorty as she pressed the end call button, shoving her phone into the side pocket of her purse and readjusting it onto her other shoulder, its weight beginning to have an effect on her tired state. 

Not having a bag to check meant packing as much as possible into your oversized purse and small overhead luggage, both of which she was getting a good workout tugging along. She rolled her eyes as she thought of how she’d rather be getting sleep and an actual team workout later in the day.

Zipping up the heather gray hoodie that she’d elected to wear on the plane, prepared for the inevitability that she would freeze during her flight, she briskly made her way towards the exit and approached the descending escalator. Ready to get this crazy show on the road, her black and white Nike Frees carried her as fast as her tired black legging clad legs could move. Once she stood on the escalator, descending and leaning her elbow on the accompanying mobile hand rest, she could only continuously shake her head in contemplation of what the decision to attend her good friend’s wedding would bring her. Her hand moved up to rub gently at her forehead and will herself to believe that it was actually happening. She could no longer play the avoidance game. The time was approaching when she would be face-to-face with her biggest mistake.

Across the terminal, on an adjacent escalator, she could see a family of four- two small girls and their mother and father- ascending to the opposite direction that she was heading, probably catching a departed flight at some point. She momentarily observed the family, adoration and longing seeping into her thoughts as she took in the children. One was a bit taller than the other, both with long curls of blonde hair hanging haphazardly around their matching polka dot pink and white sun dresses, and each one clutching numerous items adorned with Mickey and Minnie Mouse, a set of ears on each little head. She surmised that they had come from a fun-filled Family vacation at Disneyland and the two little girls were still riding their waves of Disney bliss. The parents were both smiling at each other while simultaneously watching their children animatedly recount their favorite parts of the adventure, hands that weren’t holding each other’s lovingly were clutching a small carry-on bag. She could remember being young like their children and she and her brother being just as excited and enchanted with whatever family vacation her parents had taken them- camping trips in the mountains where they’d look anxiously for black bears, trips to the beach where her brother would challenge her to see who could ride a wave on their boogie board the longest, and even Disneyworld where, like the two girls, she and her brother would have a set of mouse ears and eat too much cotton candy. It was all so different then and suddenly she envied the children for they still had their innocence. Life had yet to crush their hopes and dreams and come barreling like a locomotive through their hearts. They had yet to experience the pain of losing someone or the fear of not being good enough. They still had their youth and all of the regrets they would have someday had yet to haunt them.

She quickly shook herself from the thoughts and refused to allow herself to stare at them any longer, her eyes closing tight as she continued down the escalator. The more she stared at the happy and loving family, the more her thoughts would shift to a life she could have had someday, one much like that of the two parents whom she could feel herself resenting for no real reason at all, save for they had something she didn’t. They had the life she was supposed to be building at that very moment. As a burning feeling came to her eyes, she realized that she just needed to get out of there and be done with the whole weekend. The sooner she was done, the sooner she could spend a week on the beach with her brother and his LA friends. The sooner she was done, the sooner she could put her past behind her for good and focus on a different kind of future.

“You can get through three days,” she encouraged herself in a quiet shaky whisper, not really sure she actually believed it much. But that wasn’t the point was it? 

 

Once outside of the airport, the cool breeze hit her face and shocked her, instantly knocking her back a step and awakening her abruptly as taxi cabs and rental cars whizzed past her. Normally it was blistering hot and humid this time of year in Los Angeles, and maybe it still was, but at that particular moment she was standing in the shade which was a result from being underneath the overhang of the elevated walkway that extended from the second floor of the terminal, across the street in front of her, and attached to the second floor of the parking garage across the way. It wasn’t necessarily cold, but she found it to be unexpected for LA in August. 

After a second to compose herself and get acclimated to the change in temperature and air pressure, she spotted her brother’s sea foam green Toyota Prius pulling up beside her and screeching to a halt. She squinted through the lenses of her sunglasses and managed to make out his pearly white smile engulfing his entire face, his excitement completely on display and the absolute opposite to how she was feeling at that particular moment. It wasn’t that she was unhappy to see her brother. Quite the opposite really. That was the only thing actually making her trip worth the trouble and discomfort. She was just so tired and unprepared for what she was getting herself into. It was managing to outweigh what should be an exciting reunion with her biggest support and someone she has always considered to be her absolute best friend. Her big brother was her hero. She surmised without a doubt that if it weren’t for her brother, she never would’ve had the courage to come out herself and admit to the world that she wasn’t straight. He had been courageous enough to be himself and never apologize for it; and he had kicked addiction to the curb, remaining sober for seven years strong. But more than that, he had always been her rock and no matter where she was in the world, he anchored her. She could always count on him to answer a call in the middle of the night for either an ear to listen as she sobbed from sadness and disappointment or as her proudest fan as she exclaimed to him all of her accomplishments and spoke of her dreams coming true.

“Alexandra Krieger! Look at you gorgeous!” Her brother exclaimed with outstretched hands as he wasted no time in flying around the car to engulf her in his big chiseled arms, such a stark contrast to the soft spoken nature of his voice. His excitement and urgency to hug her had barely allowed her to drop the hold she had on her wheeled luggage.

“Kyle…” she said softly as her hands slowly rose to hug him back, his scratchy beard lightly brushing the side of her forehead. She was doing her best to be warm and receptive, and she was finding that it wasn’t as hard as it seemed, his comfort a welcoming embrace. She allowed herself to sink into his big frame, a sigh of both relief and exhaustion leaving her lips as her grip tightened. It had been far too long since she had been held by someone who she knew would never hurt her, someone who had always been her stability.

“Little Sis,” he replied with his effeminate voice softening a tad, happy to give her the comforting hug he had waited months to give. “I’m so glad you’re here. I know it probably sucks, but I will be here with you the whole time. Promise.”

“Thanks Boo,” she said quietly as they pulled apart, pulling her sunglasses from her eyes and settling them atop her head, trying efficiently to wipe the stray tears that had formed in the corners of her chestnut eyes. “You’re the best plus-one a girl could ask for.”

Though it was a sweet statement, he could sense the undercurrent of sadness in it as he finally glanced into her heavy eyes, red with dark circles forming around them. He wasted no time in pulling her large purse from her shoulder, transferring it to his own, and perching his strong hands atop her slouched shoulders in comfort. 

“Let’s get you out of here,” he said to her with a sympathetic half smile. “Yeah?”

She could only nod in reply, as she was thankful to him for his unrelenting concern for her well-being. He then directed her towards his car, opening the passenger door for her and grabbing both of her bags to place them into his hatchback.

Minutes later as he maneuvered his car towards the exit ramp leaving the airport, Kyle glanced over to his quiet sister, noticing her elbow perched against the window with her head resting on her hand. She had her eyes closed briefly, but opened them with a sigh. He waited for her to verbalize what was so clearly causing her distress.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she mumbled mostly to herself with her jaw clenching shut as her hand gestured at the absurdity of her decision.

“I take it you couldn’t sleep on the flight…” He assumed by the weariness of her words and the nervousness hiding behind them. He doubted she could clear her mind of the anxiety long enough to have fallen asleep. He knew his sister inside and out, and she was nothing if not a worrier; and judging from the clear internal struggle, she was moments away from a full-on panic.

“How could I?” She asked in exasperation, bringing her palms to cover her face. “I’m hours away from seeing her again…” 

Once she had trailed off, Kyle made an attempt to interject with words of encouragement but was abruptly cut off before he was able to form them.

“And its not like I can avoid her,” she continued with her voice rising in volume to match her escalating anticipation of what was to come. “What was I thinking? I should’ve told Kelley and Ann that I couldn’t get out of Germany. They would’ve understood.”

“Ali, you can’t avoid your friends’ gatherings for forever just because she’ll be there. That’s the downfall to having mutual friends,” he reasoned as he squeezed his sister’s knee once they came to a stop. “She’ll always be around. You share the same social circles. You just have to focus on your friends and forget she’s even alive. And better yet, show her what she lost.”

“Well that will be easier said than done,” she half-laughed and half-scoffed. “You would know that our two mutual friends would get married to each other and we’d both be asked to be respective bridesmaids. I mean, if we were just attending the wedding I could completely ignore her; but we’re both in the wedding, which means we have to interact. We have to see each other… We have to walk down the aisle side-by-side… Listen to each other give toasts… Be in the same stupid happy wedding photos… Blah blah blah.” She finished with a roll of her eyes as her head sarcastically swayed back and forth.

“And here I thought my darling sister loooves weddings,” he laughed with an exaggerated hand to his heart, thinking about the fact that she would love to be a wedding planner if she could.

“Well you can make that past tense,” she stated with a firmness in her voice that let her brother know that she in no way felt about them the way she once did. “You know… since mine blew up in my face and all…”

“Al, I didn’t mean…” He wasted no time in forming an apology, not realizing that his sister was still in that place. It had been a little over eighteen months, but in that moment he could tell that it still felt like yesterday to her. His heart broke for her all over again. Though they had talked frequently, mostly about football and her travels, it was clear he had no clue to what was really going on with his sister.

“No, It’s not your fault Kyle,” she immediately interjected as she shook her head and stared out the window, cars and buildings passing by as they made their way through the congestion that LA was known for. “I brought it on myself. I knew who she was all along and I thought I could change that.”

“That doesn’t excuse it,” he argued as they rounded the corner towards his flat, which overlooked a beach in the distance. “And you are certainly not to blame, sweetie.”

“I guess it’s just easier to blame myself,” she admitted as she looked toward her hands, her fingers interlaced and fidgeting with each other. “Because I honestly still have no idea what even happened.”

“Well, Al…” Kyle began, suddenly unsure if he should even continue with his suggestion. He mulled it over for a moment, internally reminding himself that his sister needed to at least think about it. “As horrible as it sounds, maybe you should confront her…”

Ali wasted no time at all in cutting off his preposterous suggestion, her eyes widening and her voice instantly changing in pitch and volume to match her opposition to his idea. 

“Absolutely not, Kyle! That is the worst idea you could ever think of!”

“Just hear me out, Sis,” he defended with his right hand rising in a halting manner as his other clutched the steering wheel. “Maybe the best thing for you is closure…”

“I don’t need closure,” she deftly argued with a pointed look, shooting daggers towards her brother. “I thought I did. I mean, for months I just wanted to know why; but then I realized it didn’t even matter why. There is not a thing in this world that she could say to me that would ever make me understand what she did.”

“I get that Alex, but how are you supposed to move on if you can’t put this behind you?” 

“One day at a time,” she said without hesitation, optimistic that at some point, she would wake up and the tragedy that was her love life will have magically reconciled itself. 

“Well,” he began as he maneuvered the car into the parking spot just outside of his flat, killing the engine and turning to fully address his sullen sister, ready to shelf the topic for the time being. “Can I just say that on this day, I am super pumped to be with you and I know without a doubt that there is a four-legged sweetie pie waiting for the princess treatment from her favorite girl?”

“Luna!” Ali replied with her voice softening and her demeanor suddenly brightening up, if only in the slightest at the mention of her brother’s large mastiff-mix, as her tight lips loosened and turned upward into a rare smile. Her brother always knew just what to say to make her heart feel even the tiniest bit lighter. “The only woman in my life who hasn’t let me down…”

Instantly, Kyle’s smile, which had grown from his sister’s momentary excitement over the mention of the dog, fell upon hearing how quickly she had reverted back to her half-empty glass. He suddenly realized that it would be a struggle to pull her out of her slump; but either way, he was up for the challenge.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

At the exact moment, on the other side of town, a tall and rather lean blonde woman entered the small coffee shop that over looked a bustling intersection in downtown Los Angeles. She paused for a moment to tie her loose blond hair up into a low bun and replace her snap-back hat, surveying the various tables and groups of people without managing to find the familiar pair of eyes she was searching for. Her face fell for a tiny moment as she was slightly out of breath, having just meandered her way quickly through throngs of people down the busy sidewalks so as to get there without making her companion wait too terribly long. 

Surely she had come to the correct one. It was as Kelley had described; down the west side of the street and three blocks down from the hotel at which the betrothed couple was staying. But she was almost thirty-five minutes late and her lips pursed together as she hung her head slightly. When would she stop letting people down? She instantly wished that she would’ve taken the three seconds or so and sent her good friend a text message stating that her meeting had run over. She didn’t have too long to ponder the regret though as a firm hand contacted her shoulder blade and she heard the excited voice of her dear friend echo behind her.

“Ashlyn Harris, the one and only!” Kelley exclaimed as her taller friend turned around on her heels with a hopeful expression. “I was beginning to think I gave terrible directions.”

“Hey Kel!” She replied, wasting not a split moment in engulfing her smaller friend in a warm hug, the two patting each other on their backs as she lifted Kelley off the ground a tiny bit. “I’m soooo sorry I’m late. I’d blame LA traffic, but I didn’t drive.”

“Yeah, yeah… we both know you have a tendency to run into fans everywhere and get sidetracked chatting it up and taking selfies.” Kelley laughed heartily at the joke once she had returned to her feet, admonishing her friend in a teasing manner. 

The smaller woman, whose medium brown hair and freckles gave her a more youthful appearance, smiled largely and then smoothed out her white v-neck tee as they parted and took in the appearances of one another. It had been a while since they’d met up for any quality friend time and she noticed just how good Ashlyn was looking in her skinny black pants and gray cut-off tank, if only a little thinner than normal. Whatever her weight though, she did seem to look a lot better than the last time she’d seen her dear friend; and Kelley was thankful. 

“How are things, Ash?” Kelley then asked as she directed Ashlyn towards a high round table to the right side of the shop.

“I’m doing really good,” Ashlyn replied with a humble smile as they both took their seats on the bar height stools. “The team here is great!”

Ashlyn hadn’t spoken to many people about her time in LA, mostly because it was her time to work on herself and start over. A fresh team and a fresh city. But Kelley O’Hara was the rare friend that was privy to her new life. She had been the perfect shoulder for Ashlyn to lean on and their friendship had come unexpectedly at the best possible moment. They had reconnected several months ago during a mutual friend’s birthday bash, a dirty thirty, as they had all celebrated it. Kelley had wasted no time in noticing how down in the dumps her National Team teammate and friend had seemed. She had heard the rumors; Ashlyn wasn’t in very good shape.

Their mutual friend, Sarah, had known Ashlyn from her recent signing with the new Los Angeles expansion team of the NWSL, making them new teammates; and Ashlyn had later found out that Sarah knew Kelley from their days playing for Stanford University. It was a small world in women’s professional soccer; and Ashlyn was completely thrilled to reconnect with her cheerful National Team buddy, the sassy little player always joining Ashlyn in her mischief during camps. She missed those days and Kelley had been just what the doctor had ordered. They had talked for hours upon hours, spending some quality friend time together over the course of that birthday weekend and never failing to communicate on a daily basis after, finding time here and there amongst their busy schedules to hang out. Ashlyn had opened up a lot to Kelley and in turn Kelley had pleaded with Ashlyn to be her “best gal” in her August weekend wedding to her longtime girlfriend Ann Walkush.

Now here they were, and that weekend was finally upon them; and Ashlyn was dreading every last minute.

“How’s LA treating you?” Kelley asked, already knowing the answer. She could see the lightness in her friend’s hazel eyes, as though a weight had been lifted and she had gotten out from under a shadow.

“It’s been a whirlwind so far and everyone’s just been so welcoming,” she replied as she noticed a bouncy barista approaching them, brunette hair and dark eyes. Normally she would be Ashlyn’s type, but it had been a while since she had allowed herself to have any type at all.

“I’d like a tall caramel macchiato… and I still can’t believe you’re not moving to Orlando. I hear that new team is going to have some serious backing from the ownership and the league. It’s legit!” Kelley exclaimed as she shook her head in shock and paused to allow Ashlyn to order her drink.

“I’ll have a venti café vanilla frappucino,” she ordered as she mulled over her friend’s statement, the barista hurrying off to make their drinks. “And I thought about it… But I’ve only been here a year and I’m settling in quite nicely. I want to see how this goes… Besides, there’s not much there for me now anyways.” She finished with her lips curling inward and showcasing her lone dimple, a sullen expression falling across her features as she looked down.

“Hey, you never know,” Kelley tried her best to offer some optimism, hoping to fend off her friend’s impending sadness. “Things can still turn out differently.”

“Highly unlikely,” Ashlyn replied with a steely expression, her eyebrows rising in solemnity as she reflected on the reality of her situation. 

A heavy silence fell over them for a moment, Ashlyn in quiet contemplation of the weekend ahead of them and Kelley wondering just what she could say to set her friend’s mind at ease.

“You know she’ll be there,” Kelley began, deciding to just get down to it and rip the Band-Aid off. Beating around the bush was never her thing and maybe that is what Ashlyn loved most about her friend. The bluntness. Others tiptoed around the subject, but not Kelley.

“Hah, remind me again why I let you talk me into this,” she replied with a hollow chuckle. It really wasn’t funny at all.

“We were drunk and you never back down from a challenge,” Kelley reminisced with a pointed finger at her friend.

“I was tricked!” Ashlyn exclaimed with her hands up in dramatic fashion.

“Hey! In my defense I asked you first,” she reasoned, her logic making perfect sense in exempting her from any and all blame for the awkward position her “best gal” would be in all weekend long. “Okay? This is all Ann’s fault.”

Ashlyn could only roll her eyes at her quick-witted friend’s reply. Leave it to Kelley O’Hara to always weasel her way out one way or another. “Yes, but we both know that Ann was always going to ask her. They grew up together for crying out loud! That’s how the two of you even met.”

“Well either way, I really appreciate it. You’re my bestie,” Kelley said honestly as their eyes connected in one of those rare serious moments laced in sincerity with a couple of notoriously sarcastic friends. “And I’ll certainly return the favor someday.”

Ashlyn scoffed loudly, rolling her eyes before arguing, “Kel, you know damn good and well that there are no weddings on my horizon.”

“You never know…” she offered her friend, deciding to remain hopeful that Ashlyn would be happy again someday.

“Alright, and changing the subject,” Ashlyn sarcastically chuckled, trying to steer the conversation in a much more manageable direction as their drinks arrived, taking a sip of her Frappuccino and passing the other drink to Kelley.

“Thanks,” Kelley offered to the retreating barista, momentarily noticing the way in which she animatedly swung her hips from side to side. She could only roll her eyes as she though of how hard the girl was trying to impress her friend and how little her friend was paying attention. 

“So how is Ann doing? You getting cold feet yet?” She then asked upon taking a satisfying first sip of her cool drink, the icy liquid soothing her nerves that were stockpiling over the impending weekend

“Ann is doing well,” Kelley laughed before sipping her drink, swallowing quickly to answer the second question. “And not on your life! The only cold feet I shall have will be when I sink my feet into the ocean on our honeymoon.”

“Haha, well keep an eye on the sharks,” she winked jokingly at her friend, knowing that Kelley would probably fall for the joke.

“Umm… sharks?” She shook her head in realization as she widened her eyes. “Come again?”

“Yeah, I mean… You know. Great whites… maybe some hammerheads… definitely tiger sharks,” Ashlyn nodded seriously for emphasis, pointing her finger and somehow managing to keep a straight face as coffee trickled out from her friend’s slack jaw and onto the table top, wide eyes boring into her own. “Haha, I’m kidding, Kel! Don’t worry. Sharks will be the least of your worries. I promise.”

“So help me, Ashlyn, if a shark kills me, I’m going to come back to haunt your ass,” Kelley firmly threatened as she tossed her napkin in a rolled up ball towards her friend’s stupid dimpled face, giving her the death stare as her friend only giggled in response. “And it won’t be Kelley the Friendly Ghost!”

“Fair enough,” Ashlyn finally nodded with a chuckle in all seriousness. She truly would hate to jinx her good friend, and on her honeymoon no less.

“So… You should talk to her this weekend,” she deadpanned, ignoring her friend’s previous attempt at forgetting the tender subject. “What could it hurt?”

“I wouldn’t even know how to begin…” Ashlyn paused in her train of thought, sullenly looking towards her fingers as they fidgeted with the napkin in front of her. “She probably won’t even talk to me.”

“You’re probably right, my friend,” Kelley agreed before sipping her drink and looking at her friend with the utmost serious expression. “You have nothing to lose, though, right?”

“I wish it were that simple,” she said with a shake of her head, though she knew Kelley was right. She then sipped her drink, allowing her mind to wonder over all of the reasons that she should just let sleeping dogs lie. “But my problems were always way too big for simple.”

"Well, we both know you're not in that place anymore Ash," her friend offered with assurance. "It's not like it was."

"Even so," Ashlyn shook her head, tightening her jawline. "I shot it all to hell. And you can't take back the bullet." She paused as she observed her friend nodding sadly as she stared down at her hands, knowing just how true that was. 


	2. Shock To Your System

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the positive reviews guys! It's appreciated! 
> 
> Here's the next part. I'll try to have chapter three up within the next few days, but its crunch time for my classes, so hopefully by the weekend at the latest.

“Ali…” She heard her brother call as he came plodding down the hall towards the bathroom that she was currently holed up in, doing her make up over and over. It just didn’t seem to be going on as perfectly as she wanted, no needed it to; and her nerves were on fire. 

With a heavy sigh, she screwed the mascara stick back into its holder as her shaky hands then smoothed over her tight gray and white sleeveless dress which hugged her hips and stopped just above her knees, the two colors connecting at the midsection with gray on the bottom half. She was dreading this rehearsal dinner and six o’clock had approached far too quickly for her liking once she had settled into her brother’s flat after her long tiring flight. 

She glanced up into her reflection in the mirror and she exhaled loudly once more, noticing the bags forming under her tired eyes. She had failed to be able to fall asleep for any amount of time at all, her wishes of having a nap before the dinner being extinguished as her nerves only heightened. Her hand rose up to wipe at some stray lipstick that had eclipsed the edge of her top lip. She then fluffed her long dark hair just a tad, which flowed over her right shoulder as she continued breathing heavily, hoping to expel the anxiety she was feeling. It was a futile battle, she knew, but she was determined to focus her energy and not let her nerves get the best of her. She was intent on proving just how fine she was that night and how she had moved on to a better place over these past eighteen months; even if she hadn’t.

“Alex?” She heard him call once more. Clearly it was time to go.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in just a minute,” she rushed out as she clasped the silver bracelet around her left wrist, quickly composing herself and sliding her earrings in.

“Okay,” Kyle replied as he stood just outside the door. “Are you okay?”

Opening the door briskly not a second later, Ali emerged from the bathroom with a tight-lipped grin, her eyes desperately conveying a false sense of confidence as she answered him curtly, “I’m great! You ready to go?”

“Uh…” He faltered, unsure of the sudden change in demeanor. He knew his sister more than most, and at that moment, he knew she was putting up a brave front. “Yeah… I’m ready. Are you?” 

And he was ready. She couldn’t help but notice how nicely her brother cleaned up with his dark gray slacks and deep burgundy button up, coming together nicely with brown oxfords. His dark hair was combed over to the left as Ali smiled affectionately at his concerned expression. His loyalty to her never faltered.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Ali replied as she leaned forward and kissed him sweetly on the cheek. “Thank you for going with me. I’d never get through this night without you.”

Smiling affectionately, he put his arm around her, ushering her down the hallway towards the front door before replying, “You got it Boo. But to be fair, I have completely selfish reasons too.”

Her eyes scrunched in curious confusion before he added in a most excited display, “You have to introduce me to the groomsmen!”

She laughed as she noticed his sly wink in her direction. It never failed to amaze her how he could completely turn the tone in conversation and make her feel abundantly at ease. She surmised that he was just the right kind of sunshine in a rather dim world, one of the reasons he was so completely important to her.

“Kyle, you do know that this is a lesbian wedding, right?” She asked with an amused snort as she lifted her black clutch purse from the side of the couch.

“Even so,” he defended with an effeminate raise of his hands as they turned towards the front door. “There’s bound to be some strapping young lads there somewhere, maybe even a hotel concierge.”

“You’re awful!” She laughed heartily, her heels clacking against the hardwood of the hall out side of the apartment as they made their way to the stairwell.

“No, I’ve just been single for far too long.”

“Well, I’m actually starting to enjoy it…” She trailed off in complete surprise that she had actually admitted such a thing. It was true. She was enjoying the time she could focus on her career and strength training non-stop without worrying about balancing that with a relationship; but she was honestly quite lonely and no matter where she went, that loneliness was felt. 

“What? Being single?” He asked once they made their way from the stairwell and approached his car, the beep signaling that he had unlocked it. 

“Yeah,” she began as he started the car and they made their way down the street, unsure of how exactly to explain it. “I mean… I can spend all of my time training and getting better and competing now. I don’t have to worry about making time for dates and conversations or all of the little things that go into a relationship. I can just worry about me and football.”

“And maybe that’s the best thing for you right now, while you’re in Germany at least,” Kyle reasoned as he thought on all of the sadness and heartache his sister had been through the past year and a half. Time to herself and focusing on something that made her really happy weren’t the worst things in the world. 

“Well, we both know that I wouldn’t even be in Germany right now had…” She trailed off before shaking the thoughts from her lips and deciding not to go any further. “You know what? I’m not even going to go there tonight. She made her decision and it was the wrong one. Now we’re just two strangers at a wedding.”

She glanced down at her hands, fidgeting in unease with her clutch purse as she thought on all of the different scenarios that could play out at that rehearsal dinner. On one hand they would ignore each other completely, choosing instead to bury themselves in wine and friends while simultaneously avoiding eye contact with one another. They would steal glances at the other when their eyes were turned and then just as quickly dive back into their respective conversations. It would be like clockwork every ten minutes. She would then give her toast while focusing solely on her dear friend, Ann, before conveniently excusing herself when it came time to hear the toasts from Kelley’s side, unable to stomach the thought of sitting through it. When she returned long enough to say goodbye, she would notice her staring out of the corner of her eye and she would feel the slightest hint of satisfaction at seeing the longing and regret housed in those all too familiar eyes before she allowed her brother to take her home. It was the best-case scenario.

But then she remembered that life just never ran its course according to best-case scenarios; and there was always that other hand. She knew that once they saw each other, conversation would be unavoidable. They neither one were ever very good at showing restraint around the other; and they neither one were very good at playing the avoidance game. It took her moving halfway across the world to keep herself from storming her ex’s apartment and demanding answers. Yes, she had said she didn’t need to talk. Yes, she had told herself that it didn’t matter. She didn’t need closure. But at the end of the day, the questions still plagued her. 

Why? 

What did she do wrong? 

Did she not love her? 

How could she do it? 

Was there someone else? 

Why that day, of all days?

The list was endless. She knew that it would be inevitable that they would speak. She knew that she would find her gaze landing on those perfectly familiar eyes from across the room, shuddering, as she would feel herself getting lost in them for the countless time. And she knew that her heart was nowhere near ready for it. She was nowhere near over it all. It had been a most painful year and half and had felt almost like a lifetime; but she knew that when their eyes would meet, at least for her, it would feel like no time had passed at all. She was still completely in-love and that made the dread all the more real. He heart was not yet ready to be at the mercy of the one who had torn it to pieces. 

“Stop!” She exclaimed loudly after several minutes of complete silence, scaring her brother beside her as he jumped and slightly swerved, eliciting a few horn honks in the process. “I can’t go!”

“What? Alex,” Kyle questioned as his heart rate came down back to a normal pace, securely placing his gentle hand on her shaking knee and checking his blind spot to make sure the lane he had involuntarily switched to was free and clear. “Yes, you can. I’ll be there the whole time and if she has any decency at all, she will leave you alone.”

“I’m just not ready to see her. I don’t think I can…”

“What would possess them to even ask you both to be in the wedding, knowing what happened? They were there. I mean, that wasn’t the smartest move on their part. They should’ve thought more about it,” he finished with a displeased tone, shaking his head at the absurdity of it all.

“Well, Kelley had asked her first without telling Ann, so when Ann asked me, of course I said yes,” Ali answered as she lifted her hand to her forehead, getting a slight headache as she thought about the whole blunder of events. “So when she finally did find out, she immediately called me about it and I stupidly said that I was fine with it. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just didn’t want to let our drama ruin it for them.”

“I’m sure they would’ve understood,” Kyle replied as they exited the highway, making their way closer and closer to the destination in the downtown area. Though he lived closer to West Hollywood, an almost thirty minute drive, it had seemed to fly by and they were there almost instantly. 

“Well, I guess I thought I’d be over it by now,” she replied sadly as she tried to hide her watery eyes behind her fallen hair. 

“All the more reason to find some closure, babe,” he reasoned before turning left, as the GPS had indicated, towards the Ritz-Carlton Hotel.

“But it’s been eighteen months,” she argued as they made their way up the levels of the parking garage to the third floor, finding an empty spot on the end. “That’s plenty of time to…”

“Alex, you were really in-love. That was endgame for you. It’s going to take some time to get over; and no one can say how long it should or shouldn’t take. Only you,” he replied as he killed the engine, turning towards her to continue. “And I’m guessing that your lack of dating means you’re still holding onto those feelings. You need this whether it’s comfortable for you or not.”

She stared intently into her brother’s soft eyes; and feeling his firm grip on her shoulders, she managed to nod her head, as she knew he was right. He just had this way of always knowing her better than she knew herself. It was the very reason she confided in him first and foremost above anyone else. 

“I just don’t think I’m strong enough,” she lowered her glance, breaking his gaze and taking a deep breath. “It took me so long to be able to go an hour without crying.”

“Al, you’re the strongest person I know, without a doubt,” he offered with the warmest smile and purest vote of confidence she’d ever seen. 

And it was true. He had been there when she’d torn her ACL and MCL in her right knee, the result of a dirty cleats-up tackle from a Dominican player in Vancouver. He’d watched as she fought her way through a tough surgery and months of debilitating rehab, vying determinedly for that Olympic roster spot in 2012. Though it hadn’t worked out in her favor, he couldn’t doubt that a year later she was in top form and better than she had been before. The months of pain and physical exhaustion from hours upon hours each day, fighting to recover and prove herself had shown him that his sister really was capable of anything. She was his hero in every sense of the word, and he had never seen her give up. He wasn’t about to let tonight be the first time.

“This is different, Kyle,” she reprimanded as she knew what he was thinking.

“It’s not different,” he argued with a shake of his head. “You’re going to go in there, looking sexy as hell and you’re going to be there for your friend. You’re going to be strong and beautiful like I know you are, and you’re going to show her that you’re the best thing that she doesn’t have anymore.”

“You’re right,” Ali answered with newfound confidence as she nodded her head in agreement. She had never been one to feel as discouraged and insecure as she was in that moment; and she wasn’t about to start then either. “You’re absolutely right.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

On the other side of the building, Ashlyn found herself pacing aimlessly around the lobby of the hotel in her tailored light gray pants and navy button up, the sleeves rolled up just past the elbows showing off the tattoos which covered her left arm entirely. Her thin gray tie which matched her pants was becoming increasingly tight around her neck the more her nerves escalated. She wasn’t quite ready to enter the banquet hall and face her just yet. She was on the verge of hyperventilating as she felt her lips go dry and her breathing becoming short and ragged, needing something cool to drink, water perhaps or maybe something stronger.

Glancing across the lobby, she spotted what appeared to be an elegant cocktail bar, its white marble walls adorned with gold leaflet around the sign, which read “On Tap” in black. Her feet began carrying her towards the entrance without a moment’s thought, her black mid-top shoes clicking deftly against the cool white tile of the floor the whole way. 

Upon entering, she noticed the classy mood lighting, which was a tad dimmer than the lobby, and several tables scattered around, each with its own subtle spotlight shining down.

The hostess wasted no time in greeting her warmly, “Good evening, Miss. Would you like a table or do you prefer to sit at the bar?”

Ashlyn noticed the woman carry herself in ease as she approached her with a small tri-folded menu. The woman was pretty of course. She has long rich auburn hair and it flowed gently around her slender shoulders. Ashlyn then allowed her eyes to rake over the petite woman for a long moment, starting at her full lips and flowing across her jawline; and just before her eyes dipped lower, she snapped her gaze up to the hostess’s dark eyes. 

“I’ll just grab a seat at the bar,” she replied with an almost desperate tone before making her way quickly across the mostly empty room. There were a few people at a table to her left and two seated at the bar, but she surmised it was because it was barely 5:45. 

“What can I get for you,” a tall slender man asked from behind the bar, shaking a cocktail as she took a seat in front of him. 

“Um…” She fumbled as she noticed a lone woman with dirty blonde hair sit down next to her. 

“She’ll have a water,” the woman answered abruptly before Ashlyn had any chance to continue on. “And so will I.”

Ashlyn scoffed in amusement, “You better be paying.”

“For water?” She asked with a deep laugh.

“I didn’t expect to see you here, Whit,” Ashlyn replied with a hearty smile as she engulfed her good friend in a warm hug. “Ahh so good to see you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Whitney Engen replied, her best friend from her college days at UNC and her lifelong savior. “You just want me to be your DD.”

“Nah,” Ashlyn shook her head as they parted. “I’m not in a drinking mood tonight.”

“Right! No alcohol,” Whitney answered with narrowed eyes, her hand resting on her friend’s shoulder. “How’s that going anyway? It’s been a while since we chatted.”

“It’s going really well. I mean the no alcohol thing sucks and I could surely do without. Thanks for the water by the way,” she finished with a wink as she knew her best friend had in fact remembered her fairly new rule. “But it’s necessary. It’s a small step in the right direction.”

“Good, good,” she replied as their waters were placed in front of them in elegant wine glasses, a lemon slice on each ring complemented by a small umbrella. “So, she’ll be here,” she added like it was no big deal, taking a sip of her cool water.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Ashlyn admonished as she downed about half of her water in one gulp. “I was just on the verge of forgetting about that.”

“And you’re giving a speech,” Whitney teased her with a shoulder-to-shoulder nudge. “Gosh this night is going to be full of entertainment.”

“Ha. Ha,” Ashlyn rolled her eyes as she took another sip, finishing off the last of her water. There just didn’t seem to be enough and her throat was just as dry as before as she continued on in a tone that mocked the words she’d heard from various people, “I know she’ll be there and I know I should talk to her…”

“Should you though?” Whitney asked as she took another sip, wondering what exactly her dear friend could accomplish with such an action. “I mean, it has been a while. Should you even bother now?”

“You don’t think she deserves to know?” Ashlyn asked with furrowed brows, confused as to why Whitney, of all people, Miss Lovesick-Crazy herself, would imply she should just let it go and walk away. This wasn’t the typical reaction she’d expected from her. Usually her friend was the biggest supporter of a drama-filled love story, juicy with its passion and sweet with its happy ending. The Notebook was her favorite book and film, after all. But on the other hand, Ashlyn had pretty much annihilated any sort of happy ending that this particular love story could have had.

“Of course she does,” she answered without a moment’s hesitation. “But are you really ready to give it to her. Are you ready to tell her everything?”

“I don’t know. It’s a lot to tell,” Ashlyn replied as she sullenly looked towards her hands, suddenly feeling the weight of all of her secrets. Could she really put that much weight on someone else? “What if she doesn’t even want to hear it? I wouldn’t blame her.”

“Ashlyn, that girl really loved you,” Whitney said, as a matter of fact. “I would go out on a limb to say that she probably still does. What you did was bad but it’s not unforgiveable, especially if she knew the whole truth.”

“I don’t know Whit,” she shook her head as the bartender refilled her glass. “If I were her I wouldn’t understand.”

“And maybe she won’t. But you do owe her an explanation either way.”

“I know, I know…” she trailed off before gulping down another swig of her nicely refreshing water. “Which is why I’m not thrilled to be here tonight. I’ll be seeing her in all of three and half minutes, I’m sure,” She finished as she looked at her watch and threw down a tip for the bartender.

“Oh, sooner than that,” Whitney whispered with a hint of apprehension as she turned away from the bar a moment ahead of her friend to see a rather flustered brunette standing in front of them, riveted to her spot.

“Huh?” Ashlyn questioned as she then turned around to see just what had Whitney speaking in hushed tones. 

There, Ali Krieger stood in all her beautiful glory, dark thick hair falling in wavy tendrils over her shoulder and her make up done crisply, though Ashlyn never felt it was needed. She allowed her eyes to hesitantly take in the brunette’s ensemble, noting how delicately classy the white and gray dress appeared and thought momentarily how their respective outfits complemented each other’s rather perfectly. Her gaze then fell slowly, following as the dress ending at the knee to reveal well-toned legs that were secured squarely in a pair of black stiletto heels, which accented her succulent calf muscles to complete perfection. It was all Ashlyn could do to peel her gaze away from the gorgeous woman’s legs and back up to meet the painfully cold eyes that awaited her. 

She immediately winced before reluctantly saying, “Hello Al.”

Without a moment’s thought, Ali’s right hand flew through the air and connected solidly against a well-defined cheekbone and jaw, knocking the now stunned Ashlyn to her right and into the barstool next to her. She could immediately feel the pulsing in her hand as it burned from the harsh contact, and her eyes widened in shock that she had actually just slapped her as an involuntary reaction to seeing those deep hazel eyes for the first time in a year and a half. She had to get out of there. She had to find Kyle and they had to leave. Clearly, her body was not her own around the blonde who was now attempting to compose herself as she rubbed comfortingly at her left cheek, eyes wide in shock that echoed her own. She noticed Whitney next to them, standing slack-jawed and silently still, afraid to move or say anything more.

Turning on her heels, Ali wasted no time in fleeing from the bar, her comfort drink she’d sought long forgotten. She could feel the hot tears burning their way to her eyes, but she was determined not to cry. She was determined to prove to herself that she would no longer let Ashlyn Harris affect her in that way. She’d already cried enough tears, more than Ashlyn had deserved, and she was done crying. 

Back at the bar, the bartender offered Ashlyn a small cool ice pack as he had thoroughly enjoyed the ring-side seats to the show. He figured it was the least he could do as he observed how red the woman’s cheek had turned.

Gritting her teeth as she came to sit back down on the barstool, Ashlyn scrunched her face in both anguish and anger as her gaze met her friend’s, her hand rubbing at her cheek as she took the offered ice pack and pressed it delicately to the burning flesh. 

“Still think she loves me?” She asked with a bite of sarcasm.

“Oh yeah!” Whitney exclaimed without blinking, her jaw still hanging as her eyebrows met her hairline.

 

As Ali made her way out of the bar and into the hotel lobby, she noticed her brother smoothing over his shirt as he exited the bathroom, his eyes finding her distressed state immediately.

“Alex…” He began to ask what was wrong but was cut off.

“We have to leave,” Ali firmly stated as she grabbed his arm and began to pull him in the direction of the parking garage. “We have to go now.”

“Alex, wait,” he resisted as he brought them to a stop next to the exit. “What happened?”

“I just can’t do it,” she answered as she turned around to meet his pleading gaze. “I thought I could but…”

“You can and you will,” he stated as his hands rubbed soothingly over her shoulders. “Ann is expecting you and I know how much it really means to you to be there for her.”

With a deep inhalation of cool air, she closed her eyes to calm her nerves and let his words settle over her. He was right, she knew she needed to be there for her friend and the moment to back out had long since passed. Ann had offered her an out months ago and she declined it; and it would be completely selfish of her if she bailed at that last possible minute. She had hopefully gotten her anger out of her system for the time being and her throbbing hand was a reminder of that. 

Nodding her head in agreement, she hugged her brother and they turned back towards the lobby just as a disheveled blonde exited the bar gripping a small ice pack to her face, another woman with a shocked expression walking slowly beside her. Kyle could immediately recognize the blonde as Ashlyn and his eyes widened exponentially as he recalled his sister fleeing from that direction moments before.

“Al?” He questioned as he observed the two making their way across the lobby and towards the banquet hall.

“Let’s just go find a seat, Kyle,” Ali suggested, leaving no room for further questioning as she moved in the same direction as Ashlyn and Whitney. She needed a drink and she was promised ample amounts of wine at this dinner, wine which would be much needed to endure the night ahead.


	3. Too Late To Apologize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Thanks again for the reviews. A bit revealed in this chapter. Any further predictions?
> 
> As I said before, this story will be kind of dark at times, but that's the best kind right?
> 
> Let me know what you think! Enjoy

“As you all know, Ann and I are getting married on Sunday. We want to thank you all for coming and thank those of you who are in our wedding party. Please feel free to enjoy the wine. I know that’s why most of you came,” Kelley paused in jest as the seated guests around her erupted in gentle laughter. 

Ali and Kyle had taken a seat at one of the five large round tables that were adorned with a white satin tablecloth and three tall red candles that were lit in the middle. Each table sat about six or seven guests, wine being served to them by two men dressed in black suits with dark red aprons. As they had entered the banquet hall, she had noticed Ashlyn and Whitney sitting at a table to the left with Kelley’s sister and a few other soccer players. So naturally, Ali had chosen a table to the far right with Ann’s college friends that she had met a few times before, needing to keep a distance as far from Ashlyn as possible. As she observed Kelley stand and address the guests from a table where both her parents and Ann’s were seated, her mind was running rampant with thoughts of how the evening would go. It had certainly gotten off to quite the start, and as she glanced hesitantly over at Ashlyn, she realized that she felt no sympathy at all for the blonde holding the ice pack to her cheek. It had served her right in Ali’s mind.

Kyle immediately noticed his sister’s pointed glance and leaned in subtly to ask, “So why is Ashlyn holding an ice pack to her face?” He was already well aware of the reason.

“Because she made a huge mistake eighteen months ago,” Ali replied without falter like it was the most obvious thing in the world, not bothering to turn toward Kyle and keeping her steely gaze fixed on Ashlyn who was fidgeting nervously as she brought her eyes up to meet Ali’s.

At that exact moment, across the room, Ashlyn swallowed nervously as she dropped her hand from her face, setting her now mostly melted ice pack on the table for the waiter to take.

“I can’t believe she hit me,” Ashlyn whispered to Whitney before asking the waiter for water.

“I can,” Whitney replied with a small chuckle. “That girl packs a wallop.” 

“That’s not funny,” Ashlyn replied as she turned to glare at her friend from the corner of her eye. 

Ali sure did pack a wallop, she thought as she could still feel the stinging impression left by her strong hand. Though the pain had been substantial, she couldn’t deny the tingling feeling of butterflies she had felt the moment brunette’s skin had touched hers, igniting a fire that had been smoldering for over a year and a half. It had been so long since she had felt any contact from her at all and in that moment, a slap was all it took. But it was more than just the physical representation of anger that had Ashlyn’s heart pumping with earnest response; it was what the action represented beyond mere anger. 

Ali still cared.

She turned her gaze back to Ali just as she noticed Kyle’s eyes widen as he then whispered something inaudible to his sister.

“You hit her?” Kyle asked in a louder whisper, surprised at the action from his sister who was not usually one for violence.

“It’s not like I planned to,” Ali answered back discreetly through gritted teeth as she took a thankful sip of her wine immediately after the waiter had filled her glass to the brim as she had requested. “I went to get a drink to calm my nerves. She happened to be there. My hand just reacted. And surprisingly, I’m not sorry.”

“Wow,” he nodded in amusement, pursing his lips as he watched his water being poured. “Serves her right, I guess.”

Ali then turned her attention towards Ann who had stood to her feet next to Kelley, greeting the guests and saying with a warm smile, “The waiters will come back around with your dinner orders shortly. But as we are waiting for the food, Kelley and I need to run through the ceremony rehearsal. So, if we could borrow the wedding party for a bit, we will do a quick run through of the procession and ceremony. Thanks.” She finished with a beaming smile as the members of the wedding party began rising.

Ali quickly downed the rest of her glass and stood to her feet, wiping her nervous hands across the front of her thighs. She observed Ashlyn mutter something to Whitney as she stood also and made her way across the room, choosing wisely to avoid eye contact with her. Ali was thankful for it. She was more than ready to get this rehearsal out of the way, dreading every minute and not wanting to prolong the evening anymore than necessary. It was no consolation however, that she would be laced arm in arm with Ashlyn during the procession and walk through. She just hoped that Ashlyn wouldn’t want to speak to her. 

Before Kyle could speak, Ali read his concern like a book and mumbled, “I’ll be fine, Kyle. Can you ask for more wine for me?”

“Yeah, sure,” he answered as he watched his sister march diligently towards the exit, following the string of party members. He could only sigh in sympathy for her, as he couldn’t imagine the emotional stress this was causing her.

 

Ali followed the others through the hall exit and across the lobby towards the back of the hotel to what she guessed was a garden or patio area. She could see a large assortment of brilliantly colored flowers laid in strategic patterns along a beautiful cobblestone walkway that was bordered by a thin row of white gravel. There were tea light candles in small wrought iron holders every so often and she noticed rows of chairs, fifty or so that were ovaled around the stone gazebo in the middle. It was going to be a rather small ceremony, which she loved the idea of, so intimate and perfect and much like she had envisioned for herself. Scrunching her face in disdain, she immediately admonished herself for the thought and shook her head firmly to rid herself of trace thoughts of anything remotely to do with weddings in relation to herself. That time in her life had come and passed.

At the end of the walkway, stood a gazebo of four white marble Corinthian columns which held aloft a beautiful domed overhang with an oculus at the apex allowing light to brilliantly shine through; and she watched as Kelley and Ann greeted an older woman underneath who looked to be about forty-five or so. She was slender with blonde hair pulled into a bun. Everything about her spoke of professionalism, right down to the navy blue suit jacket and pencil skirt. Clearly she was the wedding planner and Ali could tell she took her job very passionately.

“Alright everyone,” the wedding planner greeted the twelve people who had followed Kelley and Ann, four for each side of the wedding party plus both sets of parents. “If you will all divide yourselves accordingly to which side you are one, I will tell you where to stand for the ceremony. We will rehearse the ceremony first, then the recession, and finally the procession.” 

She finished in an overly cheerful voice for Ali’s liking, and she could only cringe as she suddenly missed her wine. She hadn’t had nearly enough to get through this. The party members began moving to one side or another as the planner spoke to Kelley and Ann, placing them on either side of the stone pedestal. She could see Ashlyn move closer to Kelley as the wedding planner had indicated for her to. Then she swallowed deeply, knowing it was her turn to take her place next to Ann as she watched her friend point her out to the planner. Hesitantly, she made her way down the aisle and towards her friend, strategically avoiding shifting her eyes in Ashlyn’s direction. She was going with the idea to forget that Ashlyn was there at all and pretend instead that she were someone else entirely. Jennifer Lawrence. Yes, she would be walking down the aisle with Jennifer Lawrence. 

As she came to stand next to Ann, the planner introduced herself, “Ali, you must be Ann’s maid of honor. It’s lovely to meet you. I’m Tanya.” 

Ali shook the woman’s hand as she nervously replied without much enthusiasm, “Nice to meet you.”

“You’ll be walking down the aisle with Ashlyn, I see,” she said with a beaming smile as she gestured towards Ashlyn, unaware just how hard Ali was trying to refrain from smacking the smile right off her face.

“Wonderful isn’t it?” Ali replied with sarcasm lacing her forced smile.

Ashlyn could only feel her heart pounding as she watch Ali standing next to Ann, barely five feet away from her. She wrung her sweaty hands at her side nervously as she decided to remain quiet. She wasn’t certain what Ali would do and she didn’t want to upset her anymore. Clearly, she’d done enough and she wasn’t about to cause a scene.

The irony wasn’t lost on her, however, as they stood under the stone gazebo amidst the gorgeously decorated scenery. Ali was looking so incredibly beautiful that it almost made her completely crumble, weak in the knees. It was only too bad that she had done everything in her power to ensure that the tension overshadowed what was supposed to be a happy and loving atmosphere. It was a joyous occasion for the right people, but it was anything but for she and Ali.

Ashlyn caught Ali’s eyes, meeting her gaze for a tiny moment as she was caught staring, immediately seeing the anger flash through those deep chestnut eyes as she looked away. She sighed in defeat. How was she going to talk to Ali if she couldn’t even look at her for more than a second? Maybe Whitney had a point. Why bother now? She guessed it would be much easier to let it go if she knew without a doubt that Ali didn’t love her anymore. But that just wasn’t the case. The opposite of love is indifference; and Ali’s slap to her face was a passionate display of residual feelings, still clearly as strong as they’d ever been.

Once Tanya had arranged the rest of the wedding party on opposite sides next to Kelley and Ann, she began to give a quick rundown of the ceremony to the two brides. Kelley’s sister stood next to Ashlyn, followed by her brother and a friend from college. Next to Ali stood Ann’s sister, followed by two of her cousins, all baring a striking resemblance. Ashlyn noticed how beautiful Ann’s family was; the four of them had similarly dark hair, though her cousins both had curls. However, she also noticed that none of them could hold a candle to the beauty of the woman standing between them all; and the realization that she had infuriated her so deeply had her stomach in knots. How was she going to give a speech later?

As they stood awaiting further instructions, Ali chanced a glance towards Ashlyn. If the anger wasn’t completely coloring her emotions at that moment, she would’ve been able to appreciate just how gorgeous the blonde was in her gray slacks and navy shirt, hair up in a tight bun with a thin gray tie that in the past, Ali would’ve tugged on behind closed doors. Ashlyn always had impeccable fashion sense and Ali internally chastised herself for allowing the thought to cross her mind momentarily as she remembered why exactly she was so angry. Ashlyn was not deserving of such admiration. She shook her head as she wiped at her brow, suddenly feeling the heat in the atmosphere penetrate her composure. 

“Ok,” Tanya began again as everyone snapped to attention. “Now that we are all standing in our places, this is how the ceremony will began with Kelley and Ann exchanging vows, which you are both writing. Am I correct?” She asked as they answered with a curt nod each. “Well then, the officiate will began by asking one by one who gives each bride away, which you both will answer ‘We do’ respectively for your daughter.” She pointed to each Kelley and Ann’s parents, having perfected the rehearsal process to a T. “Following that, he will ask if anyone objects.”

“Everyone better keep their damn mouths shut!” Kelley exclaimed jokingly with a loving wink to Ann as they held each other’s hand. Ann could only adoringly laugh in return, as did everyone else aside from Ali who glared at Ashlyn as the blonde giggled.

Ashlyn thickly gulped when she met the brunette’s darkly hardened gaze and returned her eyes to her hands, pursing her lips to silence any further chuckles and swaying nervously on her feet. She hoped as the evening wore down that Ali’s steely exterior would melt away long enough for her to approach her.

Crossing her toned arms in a defensive stance, Ali could feel her heart pounding in her head as she saw Ashlyn laugh. Sure, it was funny and Ashlyn was certainly allowed to laugh. But any sound from her only further angered Ali as she thought of all of the time she had spent crying over her. What right did she have to laugh when she had caused so many tears?

“After which the officiate will then proceed with the vowel exchange, Kelley will go first and then Ann. The rings will be exchanged. Who is holding the rings?” Tanya asked upon realizing that she was uncertain. 

Kelley elbowed Ashlyn discreetly; who looked up in surprise and quickly choked a response, “Ugh I… I will.”

“Very well,” she replied as she continued on through her outline. “At the beginning of each vowel, you will hand the rings to the bride who is speaking.” 

As Ashlyn nodded, Ali gritted her teeth and looked away, surprised at the effect the blonde was having on her. It seemed to be much stronger than she had anticipated in the weeks leading up. What she had thought would be anxiety and pain had certainly deflected itself into anger and frustration. It was clearly a defense mechanism and she wondered if the anger would ever subside. She hoped not, however, as anger was a thousand times more comfortable than hot tears and vulnerability. 

“After the vowels, you’ll be pronounced wives,” Tanya smirked, knowing what was to follow. “And you’ll kiss your bride.”

Kelley wasted no time in pulling Ann in for a brief yet sensual kiss, the guests awing and cooing as Ashlyn clapped, forgetting for a moment where she was and who was shooting daggers through her from across the way.

Ali shook her head from its stare and clapped as well, gritting her teeth as she fought to maintain her composure and not allow her anger to outweigh her happiness for her friends. Ashlyn certainly wasn’t worth it.

“Once the kiss ensues, the brides will exit down the aisle,” she stated as she motioned for them to go and they obliged, arm in harm with beaming smiles.

Ali swallowed hard as her heart thus began hammering out a tunnel in her chest. She was sure it was bound to emerge from her and drop in a miserable heap on the cobblestone at her feet. The moment had arrived where she’d be forced to walk with Ashlyn.

“Now, Ali and Ashlyn,” Tanya said as the two looked at each other awkwardly. 

Ali had decided to swallow her nerves and anger for her two friend’s sakes, reaching for Ashlyn’s arm immediately and taking the initiative. This act surprised Ashlyn, whom Ali watched with a clenched jaw, noticing the shock in the familiar hazel eyes. Ashlyn hesitantly reached her arm out, unsure of what Ali would actually do, interlinking them together and swallowing nervously. Ali’s left arm linked perfectly with Ashlyn’s and neither could deny the jolt of lightning that coursed through their veins upon the mere contact. It was as though time had stopped for Ashlyn, feeling something she’d been missing for what had felt like forever. 

However, for Ali, the shift in her heart brought the pain back up to the surface and her anger was swallowed by it. She could feel her heart beating with painful thrusts as the cobblestone walkway seemed to grow by endless miles. It wasn’t short enough, in her opinion and she could feel herself moving faster, pulling Ashlyn along as she went and pleading with her tears to remain at bay.

“Alex,” Ashlyn began as they made their way past the ears of the wedding party and the brides’ parents, down the aisle towards the lobby entrance. 

“Don’t speak to me,” Ali whispered with surprising composure, her voice suddenly soft and calm, such a stark contrast to the icy glares she had been giving Ashlyn all evening. “It’s bad enough I have to hold your arm.”

Ashlyn could only bite her bottom lip in response, nodding her head in understanding and silently continuing on. She really had no right to speak to Ali then and, for the moment, she would respect her wishes and let it go. She just hoped that by the end of the night, Ali would give her a chance to explain.

 

By the time Ali had returned to her seat next to her brother, Ashlyn had begun devouring her 8 oz sirloin and baked potato. She’d parted with Ali immediately upon finishing the processional rehearsal, which went much like the recessional, and watched regrettably as Ali has fled for the bathroom. Sighing, her heart clenched in guilt and she had momentarily contemplated following, but thought better of it. Ali was much more upset than she had been when they’d first met up. And that was saying something if the red mark on her cheek was any indicator.

Ashlyn watched as the now composed brunette took her seat by Kyle, who comfortingly put his arm around his sister and shot her a warning look. She could tell that the trip to the bathroom had done her some good, as she seemed much more relaxed and had probably fixed her makeup and adjusted her hair. And knowing how Ali’s appearance usually mirrored her confidence, Ashlyn could tell that she was feeling much less insecure than before. She was looking absolutely stunning, but that had never been a problem for her in Ashlyn’s eyes.

“So did she deck you again?” Whitney leaned over to ask in between bites.

“She won’t speak to me,” Ashlyn replied sullenly, ignoring Whitney’s attempt at humor as she moved a piece of steak around her plate. “I tried to apologize and she wouldn’t have it. She’s so angry with me and I don’t blame her at all.”

“Well the least she could’ve done was make your cheeks match,” she smirked as she lifted her wine to her lips. 

Ashlyn looked to her friend with a hard glare, her expression displaying her apparent disapproval of the joke. 

“I’m sorry,” Whitney apologized with sincerity, patting her friend on the back gently. “Give her time. You have the rest of the weekend. I’m sure she will talk to you at some point once she cools off.”

 

Across the room, Ali slowly peeled apart her lobster tail, dipping the chunks into the buttery sauce. She could feel Ashlyn’s eyes upon her, begging for some sort of response from her. She was going to give her none. 

“How was it?” Kyle asked cautiously as he cut apart his steak.

“It was too long,” she replied evenly after a thankful sip of her wine.

“Did you talk to her at all?” He asked before glancing at Ashlyn. He found that no amount of trying could bring him to feel any sort of compassion for her. She had broken his sister’s heart; and he would forever resent her for it. He only hoped that someday down the road Ali could move past it and onto something better.

“Nope,” she answered, the word popping from her lips. “I don’t have any interest in anything she has to say.”

“You may not want to hear what she has to say,” he reasoned as he took a sip of his water. “But you should for your own sanity.”

“Kyle…” Ali trailed off as she was interrupted by Tanya who was clinking her glass. She unfortunately knew what was coming. 

“If I may have everyone’s attention,” she began as all heads turned in her direction. “It is time now for the customary toasts from the Maid of Honor and the Best Gal. She smiled brightly as she turned to Ali first.

“Um…” Ali faltered for a moment before standing up reluctantly. “Hello everyone…” 

She was usually so composed in front of an audience, having given several interviews about women’s soccer and addressing countless crowds for awards and honors. However, none of those moments were outside of her comfort zone such as that particular one. On that day, she was not talking about soccer or injuries. She wasn’t speaking to children in the hopes that something she would say would stick with them in inspiration through the trials of life. No. She was talking about love and marriage, and she found it quite ironic that both of those things had failed her completely. It certainly didn’t help that the biggest reason for those failures was currently staring at her from across the room.

“My name is Ali…” She swallowed her nerves and focused her attention solely on her dear friend. “And I’ve known Ann for quite a while now. When we were younger we used to talk endlessly about the gorgeous hunks we’d marry when we were older.” The guests all chuckled as Kelley flexed her arm jokingly. “You are certainly the hunk, Kel,” she joked along, earning even more laughter. “But I don’t think any of those guys we pictured could have loved you more than Kelley does without reservation. I’ve seen you two grow as a couple from the beginning, and I’m sure I can speak for everyone here when I say you each bring out the best in one another. It’s no secret that Kelley makes you laugh harder than anyone else in this room. But I know that along with that laughter, comes an equally fierce adoration. So, Ann, I know that she wasn’t the hunk we always pictured as kids, but I’m truly glad and thankful that she’s the one you chose, as you deserve this. You’ll both have a long and bountiful marriage full of joy and endless possibilities as you shelter each other and continue to grow into an even stronger unit. But as with any relationship, I know you will have your ups and downs. So when those downs come around, I wish you honesty and understanding,” she enunciated as her eyes gazed directly at Ashlyn who had been captivated from the moment she’d begun to speak. “And as hard as it may be at times, I wish you the courage to stick around and fight through tough moments. Because a love like that is worth everything.” As she paused she swallowed the pain in her voice and regrettably wiped a stray tear from her eye, not once breaking Ashlyn’s gaze.

Ashlyn could feel her eyes begin to water as she gazed directly into the hardened brown eyes across the room. She would be a fool to think that each word at the end hadn’t been directed specifically towards her and their history. She could see every single day of sadness and every ounce of pain that Ali had experienced over the past eighteen months as they one by one flew through the room and engulfed her. At that moment, her heart began to constrict painfully with regret, as she knew without a doubt that she had been the sole cause of hurting the only person she’d ever really loved.

“So, to Ann and Kelley, may your marriage be the stuff dreams are made of,” Ali finished by lifting her wine glass in the air as the rest of the guests followed suit, clinking glasses together as they downed the contents. “And may your life together be full and rich in love.”

Ali downed her wine as well just before she felt Ann engulf her in a gracious hug, eyes brimming with tears. “Thank you so much, Al,” she had whispered in her ear. “For everything.”

Ali nodded sincerely before taking her seat next to her brother, signaling to the waiter for a refill of her glass. She would need it to get through the next speech, which she could only imagine would be words she wasn’t ready to hear. If she knew Ashlyn at all, and she did, she wouldn’t hesitate to say just what was on her mind at the moment. She doubted completely that she had even prepared a speech at all. It just wasn’t her style to ever come prepared for anything and Ali could only roll her eyes at the thought.

Rising to her feet, Ashlyn waved to the guests as their attention turned towards her. She smoothed over her grey tie before lifting her glass of water and beginning by saying, “Hi. My name is Ashlyn and I’m a good friend of Kelley’s and her former teammate on the National Team.”

Ali could only scoff to herself and sip her wine, rolling her eyes as she heard Ashlyn toot her own horn. She knew she was being petty for thinking it, but the wine and her lack of concern for Ashlyn at that moment had stirred a bitterness within her that would find fault in anything the woman did.

“I’ve been fortunate enough to see Kelley and Ann’s relationship develop from the start. I watched as Kelley nervously wondered if she should ask her out.” Kelley rolled her eyes from embarrassment as Ann lovingly squeezed her knee, waiting as Ashlyn continued. “I witnessed how Kelley was overcome with joy when they had made their relationship official and she wasted no time in shouting it from our hotel balcony at our team camp. And then some time later, I got an interesting drunken skype call when Kelley told me excitedly that Ann had said yes, and I’m guessing they had celebrated,” Ashlyn laughed as she winked at Kelley. “But in all that time, I learned so much from my friend about love and life,” she said as her expression tightened with seriousness, her tone projecting an honesty that Ali could feel in her heart. “I learned what it means to be dedicated and loyal, always making sure that the one you love is given full consideration and comes before anything else you do. I learned that no matter where you are in the world you carry that love with you as you protect it and it only makes you stronger. I learned that trust is not just something you give in theory to the one you love, but it’s something you give out of respect for them and what they mean to you. I also learned the importance of forgiveness,” as she said those two words, her eyes met Ali’s with a strong sense of determination and sincerity. “It’s not enough to say that you’re sorry when you screw up; but you have to work hard to ensure that the other’s forgiveness will not be in vain. So many times we take others for granted, but I’ve learned from my friend that real love means having the ability to recognize how special it is and how rare. You have to be able to admit you’re wrong sometimes and appreciate each and every day with them because you never know when you won’t have that chance anymore.”

As Ashlyn swallowed sadly and paused, Ali could only blink back the stinging tears that had broken through and filled her eyelids, her mind swirling with thoughts of the past and everything that had happened between them. She could feel her hands beginning to shake as they clenched together in a tangle in her lap. From her right, her brother leaned over and rubbed her back gently, needing to show his sister that he understood the power of the words in relation to her.

“So, to Kelley and Ann,” Ashlyn regained her composure and broke Ali’s tearful gaze, “I wish you many more years of happiness and unconditional love and support. I wish you perseverance and compassion when things get tough, happy tears and full laughter when things are wonderful, But most of all,” she continued as Kelley beamed at her from her seat, Ann’s eyes filling with tears as Kelley’s hand found its way around her shoulders. “I wish you the eagerness to live each and every day to the fullest and the awareness to cherish the small things and the beautiful moments. To Ann and Kelly.”

The guests all clapped and clinked their glasses, some with happy tears as they sipped their wine and congratulated Ann and Kelley.

Ashlyn remained standing as Kelley immediately rushed over to her and flung her arms around her, bouncing happily with excitement and gratitude. Ashlyn relished in the moment with her friend as they patted each other on the back, turning them so that she could catch Ali’s reddened eyes staring at them, tears coming down her cheeks. It made her heart painfully clench as she broke from their embrace, forcing a smile to her face and nodding to Kelley before the woman returned to her table. As Whitney tapped her hand to motion for Ali’s retreating form, Ashlyn wasted no time in following.

Listening to Ashlyn speak the words that had so many different undertones laced within had made Ali feel quite overcome with not only sadness, but nausea. She had needed nothing more than to flee the now suffocating banquet hall and put as much space between them as was possible. How could she have stood there with that hopeful determined expression and said all of the hypocritical things about life and love that she had learned? It was all clearly directed towards her and their relationship, or lack thereof. How could she have looked at her like that, knowing that she had broken her heart so deeply? It had been a year and a half and not once had Ashlyn attempted to make things right. Not that she was exactly waiting for her to.

As she watched Kelley embrace Ashlyn, she had wasted no time in standing to her feet and excusing herself, “Don’t worry Kyle, I just need a moment. I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“Al,” He had begun to stand, throwing his napkin on the table and sliding his chair back, but she signaled that she didn’t want to be followed. So he watched as his sister made her way towards the lobby, his gaze then catching Ashlyn moving towards the exit. He wasn’t about to have her ambush his sister.

“Ashlyn,” Kyle called out forcefully as the woman froze in her spot by the exit and turned towards him. “Just leave her alone.”

“Kyle,” she answered as she walked over to him. “I know you hate me for what I’ve done. Trust me, I’m not a fan either. But I do love your sister and I only ever wanted to protect her. I swear to you.”

He hesitated for a moment, weighing the options in his mind on whether to allow Ashlyn a chance alone with Ali. Clearly Ali could take care of herself, Ashlyn’s cheek evidence of that. But in that moment, as he stared at pleading hazel eyes, he could sense that Ashlyn meant every word. And his sister did need some closure so maybe allowing her to follow wasn’t the worst thing he could do.

“Fine,” he said sharply. “But say what you need then leave her alone.”

Ashlyn nodded before quickly making her way for the lobby doors. She could feel her palms sweating profusely as her feet carried her through the entrance, her heart pounding in her ears. She clenched her jaw tightly to center her nerves and refocus her energy on what she would say, needing to choose her words wisely so Ali would listen. 

Once in the lobby, she saw Ali making her way towards the bathroom, her calves tightening with each step as her heels clicked against the tiles. She momentarily noticed just how much more toned she was than the last time they had been together. Clearly she had thrown herself into her fitness since being in Germany and Ashlyn was glad something good had come from it. Ali had never looked physically better.

“Alex,” she called out as Ali immediately stopped and turned on her heels.

“What?” Ali replied with harsh venom, her saddened eyes meeting hers across the lobby.

“Can we talk?” Ashlyn softly asked as she approached the angered woman.

Ali only laughed incredulously as she hardened her stance in front of her, needing to show a presence of strength to maintain her composure. She was beyond mad and the fact that Ashlyn seemed so blasé and fine didn’t sit well with her. 

“Talk?” She answered with a pointed leveled stare. “It’s been eighteen months and you suddenly want to talk now?”

“Alex…” Ashlyn sighed out in an apologetic tone. She knew that she had screwed up completely and it was unfair to expect Ali to want anything from her now.

“No,” she interrupted with a hand raised between them to ensure Ashlyn kept her distance. “I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. It doesn’t even matter now.”

“I know…” she replied as she looked to the ground between then, her shoulders falling slightly in remorse.

Ali wasn’t about to let Ashlyn play the pity party game that she could see coming as she watched the woman’s expression drop in front of her. She had no right to be the hurt one between them. Instead, Ali averted her gaze to the side as tears flooded her eyes, forcing a soft chuckle through her lips.

Ashlyn’s eyes then snapped up at the sound, her brows furrowing in confusion as she heard Ali say through a cracking voice, “You know it’s funny. You can show up to someone else’s wedding, but you can’t show up to your own.”

She watched silently as Ali’s eyebrows reached her hairline as she finished the statement, turning on her heels and retreating for the bathroom. Ashlyn didn’t follow. She wasn’t even sure exactly how to respond to that or if she even could. Instead, she turned back to the banquet hall with her head hung in defeat, Ali’s painfully true statement ringing on repeat in her ears.


	4. Sweet Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again guys!
> 
> A little bit of history in this one. Things won't always be pretty so I hope you all stick with me.
> 
> Enjoy and let me know what you think!
> 
> Much love!

__

_“Ali!” She heard her good friend and teammate Heather “HAO” O’Reilly call out to her from across the moonlight beach, the flicker of the campfire hot against her face as several other teammates were scurrying by. She was perched on a rather large piece of driftwood that had years before floated ashore and lodged itself firmly into the sand, the sun drying it out and bleaching it to an almost white color, her beer cool against her palm as she took another swig and heard her friend ask jovially, “You coming to play with us?”_

_“Nah, you guys go ahead,” she replied as she remained seated and observed all of her teammates that littered the beach, soccer balls accompanying some as they played random pickup games and juggled. “I’m going to take a breather.”_

_Smiling, Ali could only think fondly of how much fun they had enjoyed at the beach on their rare Saturday off, the day passing by far too quickly. It was late March and they were on the final stretch of their 2011 World Cup qualifying schedule of matches. The team had reported to camp two weeks prior following a wonderful victory at the Algarve Cup against Iceland in which the US had won it all in the final. Having earned a Saturday off, the girls had decided to throw themselves a laid-back beach party to unwind, Abby and Megan lighting a fire once the sun had begun to set. She pulled her hoodie a bit tighter as a cool breeze blew in from the ocean tides, causing a rush of goosebumps to rise to the surface of her skin. It was Los Angeles, so during the day it was pretty warm; but once the sun had set, the breeze had picked up and the temperature cooled quite a bit. She shuddered as she pulled her knees up to her chest, her feet resting underneath her on the log. Glancing to her right, she observed her camp roommate giggling and flirting shamelessly with a pair of brunette twins. Smirking, Ali downed the rest of her beer to shake off the wink she had just received from that very roommate, Ashlyn Harris. The woman was always top-notch at her game with beautiful girls, usually finding one or two to sneak into the hotel room at least every other night, leaving Ali to flee the room and join either HAO or fellow defender, Becky Sauerbrun for the night. As Ashlyn winked in cocksureness, all Ali could do was offer a hollow thumbs up in return before turning to grab another beer from the cooler._

_Ashlyn had joined the team the year before as the backup goalkeeper to the illustrious Hope Solo, never having had the starting chance as of yet. Hope was one of those rare talents that finds a goalkeeper once every generation, so Ashlyn wouldn’t get the nod for quite some time. Injuries had plagued her young career in the previous years and during college. Any chance she’d had at giving Hope a run for her money had otherwise been delayed. She was fighting for the chance to be the number three keeper for the World Cup roster at best. However, though she was rather cocky and promiscuous with the ladies, Ali had wasted no time in welcoming her to the team and becoming what Ashlyn had proudly claimed was her best team buddy._

_Ashlyn noticed the gorgeous brunette defender across the beach sitting by the fire as her eyes paused between the twin girls that anyone could label as a couple of California tens. Though they’d been chatting for the better part of twenty minutes with Ashlyn’s bare feet digging into the sand, she’d only learned thus far that they were definitely less interesting than the sight she was currently winking at. It was true; she found Ali Krieger to be quiet exquisite and it hadn’t been a secret to anyone that Ashlyn would have her underneath her if she could. The two of them had this strange, intense friendship in which they knew they were both mutually attracted to each other, yet remained reluctant to act on it. Instead, they flirted on occasion and Ali only sat back and watched as Ashlyn filled up quite the little black book. Though she happily slept around and, thankfully Ali never judged, Ashlyn had in turn never really heard of Ali having any relationships or hookups to speak of. The last one she knew of had been a guy back in college at Penn State. The defender was solely focused on soccer and Ashlyn admired her for it. There was something so completely different about the woman, and Ashlyn knew standing on that beach that now was her moment._

_Deciding she’d had enough of mindless beach babe chatter, Ashlyn swallowed her beer, her long blonde hair flowing magnificently in the breeze as she excused herself from the two girls and made her way towards her new challenge of the night. She would turn the tides on one Miss Ali Krieger. Her hazel eyes locked onto dark brown eyes as she crossed the beach, her feet leaving a trail as she approached her._

_Ali smirked in jest as she greeted her friend, “So, should I ask HAO if she wants some company tonight?”_

_Ashlyn could only laugh as she replied with a shrug, “I’d be kind of lonely if you did.”_

_“Aw, Ash got no game tonight?” She asked in a mockingly pouty expression as she watched Ashlyn drop into the sand beside her, sitting cross-legged and resting her left elbow on the log next to her hip. Ali was having trouble ignoring the enticing way her neck muscles moved and flexed beneath her skin as she threw her head back for another sip of her beer, the fire light dancing across her features._

_“Oh Krieger,” Ashlyn chastised as she narrowed her eyes and showed off her lone dimple. “You know good and well that I always have game.”_

_“Then how come you’re over here with me right now,” Ali asked with amusement. In that moment, she could almost allow herself to entertain the thought of them. Almost. “And those two hotties are walking away?”_

_“Well maybe I’m just looking for something different tonight,” She replied without falter, a hint of gravity lacing her words as she confidently gazed up at Ali from the corner of her eye._

_“And that would be?” Ali asked with apprehension as her eyebrows rose in curiosity. She could see where this was headed, knowing very well just how the blonde’s game worked. It was just usually directed towards someone else._

_“Someone worth more than one night,” she breathed out softly as Ali’s spine felt a wondrously nervous chill shoot through her core, causing the hairs on her neck to stand on end._

_Ali smiled shyly and looked down at the sand as a hot blush coated her cheeks. She couldn’t deny the clear attraction she felt towards the woman, and she could feel her heart rate pick up slightly at the words that were still hanging in the air between them. They had definitely flirted back and forth in fun on a regular basis, however, this somehow felt much different. Something had just shifted between them and she wasn’t sure that it was a good thing. Ashlyn certainly had quite the past, Ali unable to keep up with the names and numbers most days. It definitely wasn’t remotely what she had hoped for in a woman she was attracted to, but she never judged her for it. She only tried to be the best friend she could be and turned her eye to the comings and goings of the girls Ashlyn entertained. But at that moment, the friend inside of her was screaming to her all of the red flags that an affair with Ashlyn would bring about. She was only ever looking for sex and emotional detachment. And Ali wasn’t about to join the list of numbers so it was important in that moment that she set her straight, so to speak._

_“Someone?” Ali questioned slowly as her eyes remained on the sand in front of her._

_“Someone like you…”_

_“Oh, Harris…” Ali interrupted immediately as she shook her head with a slight smile. “I’m not your kind of girl.”_

_“Well that’s a good thing,” Ashlyn replied as Ali glanced at her in confusion, her dark eyebrows scrunching as Ashlyn smiled. “I’m not looking for a girl.”_

_“You’re not looking for anything,” she immediately corrected with a raised brow in challenge._

_Ashlyn pursed her lips as she inhaled. She needed to backtrack a bit as she could tell that Ali was not about to make it easy for her. “You’re right. I haven’t been looking for anything. But to be fair, I haven’t really been with anyone that’s been worth it yet.”_

_“And what makes you think I’m worth it?” She asked in return as she saw the sincerity behind the intense looking hazel eyes that were melting their way through her resolve._

_“Call it a hunch?” Ashlyn said with a small smile as her eyes conveyed much more than her words were letting on._

_“I’m not sleeping with you,” Ali deadpanned as she firmly fixed her pointed gaze on Ashlyn’s. She wasn’t about to lead the woman on nor was she going to kid herself into believing that Ashlyn wanted more._

_“I’m not asking you to,” Ashlyn replied as her smile dropped, her beer abandoned at her feet as she turned more squarely towards Ali._

_“Then what are you doing?” She question with a firm jaw. “The Ashlyn Harris that I know is only in it for the sex.”_

_She could see her chances fading into none. She needed to be honest if it was going to go in any direction that favored her. “You make me feel different, Alex, and I like that feeling. I like who I am with you; it’s who I should be.”_

_Ali scoffed incredulously as she averted her gaze from the blonde’s. “Thirty minutes ago you were putting the moves on a couple of twins. And now all of a sudden you’re… I don’t even know. What are you doing exactly?”_

_“I’m asking you for a chance,” Ashlyn rose on her knees to force herself into Ali’s gaze once more. She needed her to see just how serious her intentions were. She was ready to be someone different, if only for her. “Go on a date with me.”_

_“I don’t date people who lay next to someone different every night,” Ali replied as she held Ashlyn’s pleading eyes. She needed to stand her ground or she would crumble like a house of cards. It was not lost on her just how much she wanted to believe in the woman in front of her, and she feared she’d believe too easily. “I have way too much dignity for that.”_

_“Then I won’t,” Ashlyn swore, her hands falling to Ali’s knees softly, igniting a jolt between them that neither could deny._

_“One month,” she said ambiguously, narrowing her eyes with the challenge as Ashlyn furrowed her brows in confusion, shaking her head slightly to imply she didn’t understand. “Go one month without sleeping with someone and I’ll go on a date with you.”_

_“A month?” she asked as her jaw fell open slightly and her heart rate increased. Gulping, she scratched the back of her neck and leaned back a bit. “You drive a hard bargain Krieger.”_

_“Are you saying you can’t do it?” Ali asked knowingly. Of course Ashlyn couldn’t stave off women for a whole month. It wasn’t in her nature._

_Ashlyn snapped her eyes back up to the beautiful brown ones looking at her challengingly, immediately realizing that if she could in fact go one month, she was sure without any sliver of a doubt that it would be infinitely worth it. Ali Krieger wasn’t just another girl; she was a rare kind of woman that didn’t come around everyday. She had the power to bring out the best in her. Ashlyn wasn’t about to miss out on the golden opportunity that the brunette had given her, a date with someone who she could actually see herself being happy with. And she wanted nothing more than to be the person who deserved that date._

_“Make it two,” Ashlyn responded, upping the ante as Ali’s mouth opened in a surprised half-chuckle, half-scoff._

_“Two?” Ali asked in disbelief, shaking her head and laughing heartily. “Ashlyn, you’ve never gone two days!”_

_“I’ve never been promised a date with you either,” she added smoothly before holding her hand out in between them as Ali only looked in apprehension. She was going to prove to Ali that it was definitely worth the risk. She knew she was scared and she wanted to show her that there was nothing to fear. She could be the person Ali needed her to be. She had to._

_“I won’t hold my breath,” Ali said with a smirk, as she obliged Ashlyn’s handshake, sealing their deal and building the fire that was growing between them. Ali’s heart momentarily fluttered at the softness of Ashlyn’s thumb tracing a light circle on the back of her hand. Their eyes caught each other’s and the depth behind their gaze only grew as Ali barely bit her bottom lip and Ashlyn felt something stir in her heart that she knew she’d never felt before._

__

 

Ali sat silently on the plush bay window seat of her brothers second story flat, her head resting against the glass and unblinking eyes staring at the endless cars passing by in the dead of night, each one serving to count the seconds down since she had stirred restlessly in bed, unable to maintain sleep for any amount of time. She wondered briefly as hot tears carved out patterns on her face if she’d ever sleep again, her mind unable to refrain from running through every thought or moment she’d ever had of Ashlyn. She’d found herself sitting alone in the darkened living room, recounting the sweet beginnings of what had been the greatest love of her life. Ashlyn had very well proven herself to Ali after that day at the beach, each day reminding her of the countdown until she would be “swept off her pretty little feet” as Ashlyn had put it. Though it had been hard for her at first; Ali had watched as Ashlyn reluctantly refused many advances during the nights they’d go to a club or valiantly force her gaze away from an attractive woman they’d pass in public. But as the days moved along, each one seeming to pass faster than the next, Ashlyn became much more at ease to stay in for a night of Scrabble with Ali or spend their off days lugging her shopping bags around the mall as Ali dragged her from store to store. Each day Ashlyn became who she had promised she’d be and each day, Ali became impatient and found it harder and harder to resist ending their bet early. After just over a month, thirty-four days to be exact, Ali was ready. They had found themselves on the transatlantic flight to arrive in Germany for the 2011 FIFA Women’s World Cup. Ali had gently reached over, taking Ashlyn’s strong hand in her own and raising it to her lips. She hadn’t really meant to be so bold, but in that moment, she couldn’t deny the effect that the sleeping keeper had on her heart. “Twenty-six days,” Ashlyn who’d woken up then had reminded her and she stuck to it. Twenty-six days later, Ashlyn took Ali on their first date between group stage matches in Germany. It was a magical night that consisted of a walk hand-in-hand along a beautiful canal after indulging in an expensive candlelit dinner. 

Ali’s eyes glistened in the darkness, city lights dancing across her face as she drank from her wine glass, that night so long ago but still so fresh in her mind playing on repeat. How had her life gotten to this point? Why was she sitting alone in the darkness of her brother’s apartment when she should be wearing a diamond incrusted band and lying next to the one who had made her so incredibly happy that day in Germany? Seeing Ashlyn again had done little for her recovery from having her heart completely broken as she’d stood in a long white gown, the beautiful train laid out behind her as she was completely blindsided when she was informed from Ashlyn’s brother that she would not be getting married that day. No, seeing Ashlyn had only served to remind her that she was all but over her and no amount of time had helped at all. 

“Alex?” she heard Kyle say softly as he emerged from the hallway. Apparently he was unable to sleep that night as well. She knew he was concerned; he’d almost badgered her for any type of assurance that she was ok as they’d drove home hours ago that night. All she had done was nod her head and ask to be left alone as she’d fled for the guest room when they’d arrived. “I’s 2am, honey, you having trouble sleeping?”

“I’m out here aren’t I?” She replied quietly with a gulp to swallow back her tears.

Sighing, he scratched the back of his head as he noticed the wine glass in her hand. He knew from many times in the past that it was a big indicator that he should stay up and keep her company. Hopefully he’d be able to console her enough to fall asleep. “Mind if I sit?” He gestured to the opposite side of the window seat from where she was curled up under a blanket.

Ali only shrugged softly in response as she took another sip of her wine. 

“You know Ashlyn said something to me tonight that I haven’t stopped thinking about,” he offered with apprehension as he glanced to her face to try and gauge any reaction that she’d have. 

“Oh yeah?” She asked without bringing her gaze from the street below. “And what did Ashlyn have to say?” 

She had said her name with such disdain that Kyle looked down. He could tell she wasn’t really in the mood to hear about it, but he continued nonetheless, “I had told her to leave you alone. But she approached me and said she’d only ever wanted to protect you…”

“Ha!” She laughed out in disbelief as another tear made its way from her eyes. “Protect me, huh? Well she did a bang up job didn’t she?”

“Alex, I’m not a fan of hers by any means. What she did to you was completely unforgiveable,” he replied in sympathy for his sister. “And If the look in her eyes tonight hadn’t spoken volumes, I’d have slapped her too. But I could tell she meant it. Even when she said she loves you.”

“Loves me?” Ali asked, her voice rising in pitch as she brought her enraged painful eyes around to meet those of her sympathetic brother. She had to remind herself that it was not his fault at all and he was only trying to console her. “Is that what love is? Because I was under the impression that when you love someone you stick around; you marry them on your fucking wedding day. You don’t bail.”

“I know, and I have no idea why she did it Al,” he sighed as his hand came to rest gently on her shoulder. “But you owe it to yourself to find out. This wine and cry thing you’re doing is not good for you. Whatever it takes for you to be able to move on is what I encourage you to do. I hate seeing you like this. You mean the world to me.”

“Kyle,” Ali replied as she wiped her eyes and set her glass down, she turned to him slightly and allowed her eyes to meet his. “I don’t think that I really want to hear why she left me. It hurt so much to see her again today and all I could do was think of how different things should’ve been. I should’ve known all along that this would’ve happened and I can’t bare to think that I wasn’t enough for her.”

“I’m not defending her at all,” Kyle began as Ali’s eyebrows rose in anticipation. He held up his hands in peace. “I promise you, I’m not. That’s not what this is, but I can tell you that I’ve never seen someone speak so honestly before. It was like her eyes cut right through me when she told me she loves my sister and only wanted to protect her. Clearly there’s more to the story, and I think you should hear her out. Maybe it’s not what it seems.”

“I know you’re trying to help me feel less… whatever,” she shook her head as the words failed her. “But there is no excuse.”

“I’m not saying there’s an excuse,” he interjected as she looked at him through tears. “But there is a reason and unless you find out, you’re always going to wonder why.”

“I know why!” She exclaimed as she sat up, overcome with frustration. “She was never the type to commit. I was never going to be enough for her.”

“Alex, that’s not true and you know it!” He defended his sister as he leaned forward to be closer. 

“No,” she argued as her eyes pleaded with him to understand. The conversation was coursing hot fire through her veins and only serving to cause doubt about their entire relationship seep in. She wondered if she’d ever even really known Ashlyn at all. “I knew who she was from the beginning and I foolishly allowed myself to fall for someone I knew would hurt me. I allowed her to make me believe that she was someone else.”

“But she asked you to marry her,” he attempted to reason, hoping to get his sister to let go of the blame she was currently housing. “She wouldn’t have done that if…”

“She had cheated on me once Kyle,” Ali quietly admitted as he sat in front of her slack-jawed and wondering why she had never mentioned it before, such a huge moment. “I mean kind of cheated on me I guess. We’d had a fight one night about eight months after we started dating. She had stayed out late with friends and I freaked out, accusing her of things and said I needed a break. Yes, it was completely rash at the time and I regretted it; but about a week later I called her to apologize and try to talk things out. Another girl answered her phone. Ashlyn was honest about it and I knew it meant nothing, but I still felt betrayed and cheated. She couldn’t go a week before finding someone else. I should’ve walked away then and there, but I just loved her too much.” She paused to wipe the tears from her eyes. “And I knew she loved me back. Then she just showed up at my house not long after with a beautiful ring and tears in her eyes. She was so sorry and she swore to me that I was the only person she’d ever love.”

“Wow,” he sighed out in shock, mouth agape and looking all around trying to grasp the situation. “I had no idea…”

“Yeah,” Ali said softly as she sighed in exhaustion, her mind had been running through a loop of inner turmoil for the past 48 hours. 

“But you believed her,” Kyle reasoned in optimism. Surely his sister wasn’t a poor judge of character. She’d never been as far as he knew.

“I did,” she nodded sadly as she looked at her hands. “But clearly she didn’t mean it like I thought.”

“I don’t know Alex,” he began as he ran over possible reasons and scenarios in his mind. He knew his sister was blaming herself and he knew that only one person could put her mind at ease. “But you should try to get some sleep tonight. I know you have to meet Ann to go for your final dress fitting early.”

Ali sighed as she thought of the day, the only good part coming from the fact that she wouldn’t be forced to see Ashlyn at all until the wedding on Sunday. Of that, she was immensely thankful. But as her brother grabbed her wine glass and made his way for the kitchen to deposit it into the sink, her mind could only race more with thoughts of just what Ashlyn was protecting her from. Since their fight and Ashlyn’s moment of slight infidelity, things had been absolutely perfect between them. They’d had the best year together by far and she knew that she’d made the right decision when she’d said yes. Ashlyn was the one. So how could things have taken the turn that they had? How could she leave her if she loved her? Kyle was right. She needed answers, but she wasn’t sure if she was truly ready for them. What if the answers only made it hurt worse in the end? She was terrified to say the least.


End file.
